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 8/21/2006 extra |
Dealing with grief in the workplace
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A reader wrote in this week, asking for thoughts on dealing with grief – death, illness, massive organizational layoffs all cause grief -- in the workplace.
This is a difficult subject – because few organizations really deal with grief well.
So what do you do when a co-worker, boss, or the spouse or child of a co-worker dies? What do you say when a co-worker is diagnosed with cancer or another terminal disease? How do you cope when you’re the one left behind in an office, where so many of your friends and officemates have been escorted out the door?
In simple terms, like the reader noted in his email, you go on – because life goes on – you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you keep answering the phone, you keep doing your job – and yet you have to allow yourself time to feel, adjust, and grieve.
We’ve all heard about the steps of grief – and I’m not going to go into those here. What we are going to talk about, however, is how an organization can deal with grief in the workplace.
First off, talk about it.
When something happens, it’s common for co-workers to talk among themselves about what happened – usually in quiet whispers and huddled meetings at the water cooler. This occupies a lot of time in the office, and it doesn’t really do a lot to help dissipate grief.
When someone in the office dies, the organization should take some time – even a half hour or an hour will help – to talk about the loss. A staff meeting can be used to deal with the emotions the loss brings up, and the best way the organization can cope with it.
If it’s an illness of someone in the office that has brought the grief, co-workers shouldn’t ignore the person with the illness. Maintain a positive atmosphere, and don’t “shut out” the person with the illness – even if that person is no longer at work. Communicate with the person with the illness – even if you don’t know what to say at first.
Talking about grief and loss helps an organization come to terms with it.
Second, find a way to help.
People impacted by sudden loss need to be involved in helping deal with that loss. It helps the organization adjust to the grief, and it is an opportunity to do something constructive and beneficial.
We can separate this action into two categories: actions that help the organization cope, and those actions aimed at helping the person, family, and friends of those directly impacted by a loss or grief.
For example, when an officemate dies, an organization might choose to take up a collection for a surviving spouse and children, or it might choose to solicit money from co-workers to provide flowers or help defray funeral expenses. Co-workers can volunteer to help at the funeral or memorial service, or they can volunteer to help the survivors through the hard times, even if that is just offering a listening ear when the survivor needs it most.
Someone in the office who was closest to the deceased can be appointed the office liaison to the family, or a committee can be formed to deal with the challenges of providing help to the family from those at work.
Doing this kind of service is the best way to dissipate the grief within an office – it provides something constructive to do, and it makes a difference to the lives of other people in a most strenuous time.
Grief due to a sudden illness in the office should be addressed in a similar fashion. Perhaps your organization allows you to donate vacation days to a sick officemate, so he or she doesn’t have to worry as much about money. Perhaps you can take up a collection to help with medical bills, or co-workers can offer rides to the hospital or doctor’s office.
If the grief occurs due to company reorganization, you should make certain you don’t shut out old friendships, just because the person is no longer at work.
We also need to examine how the loss or challenge will affect the company – customers who must be told, reassured, and supported, passwords that must be changed, and organizations must be changed. Although it’s important to deal with these items early, leaders would do well to allow an organization some space in this process – the members of a particular workgroup know what their workgroup needs a lot more than a “boss from on high” might know. If the missing person is a company officer, press releases must be issued, and a temporary leader might need to be appointed if no succession plan is in place.
Third, we need to give ourselves room to cope and grieve.
It’s common to take a “stiff upper lip” approach to loss in the workplace – “Oh, Jim’s dead – let’s keep a stiff upper lip and get back to work.” But such things never work out. People are by nature communal animals – most of us appreciate the interaction we find from other people – and as communal animals, we need time to deal with loss and stress.
Fourth, we need to honor the person who is lost.
I’m not quite sure when we moved from having going-away parties to having security escorting someone out of the building – but it’s a bad trend. We should honor those people who have sacrificed for the organization, even when they get pushed out the door as part of a company cutback. Perhaps it won’t be a party, but at least a “best wishes” card should be sent.
In terms of a person lost to death, organizations should find a way to honor their memory, through a scholarship, an award in their honor, or even a plaque with their name on it. Doing so gives a company something to use to honor a person – and it also brings current employees the realization that they, too, will be honored in a like way.
Some years ago, a friend of mine died. He died somewhat unexpectedly, only a couple of months after getting remarried (his first wife had died of the flu a few years prior). He worked at a university, and when I went to the “visitation” or “viewing” (depending on what part of the country you live in) the night before his funeral, I was startled to see the university president and his wife in line before me. That meant a lot to me. That university also lowers the flag to honor an employee who has passed away. What does that say to current employees, who have been left behind? It suggests that the university cares about the people who work there.
Fifth, we need to move on.
Just as moving on without grieving is damaging, so grieving without moving on will damage us. The fact is that even though loss occurs, life continues – it’s always that way, and it always will be so. There is a time for grief, and a time for rejoicing – and we should experience both.
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